BREXITMANIA

British public beside themselves about prospect of a referendum that means they can finally stick it to the Latvians.

For the past many something years people have been able to ignore the EU, partly because they chose not to really a give a shit, and because they don’t really know what it is. In a recent poll conducted by unknown pollsters in an unknown part of the UK 9 out of 10 people admitted that they do not know where the EU is but do not like the idea of staying in it. The remaining 2% of those polled said that they had a pretty good idea it was next to the place that straight bananas are made.

Thanks to a concerned David Cameron this has now changed and, under a new law, everyone must have an opinion on the EU, or BREXIT as it is now called.

Until recently no-one had heard of BREXIT and the term was only allowed to be used by home-owners who serve artisan cheese at the end of a dinner party. However, the well known feminist red top The Sun has launched the term to the Plebs in a spectacular fashion. Such is its popularity that travel agents are reporting a 60% upsurge in enquiries from people who want to visit BREXIT before we have to leave for good.

Andrzej Kalinowski, who owns a factory in the south west of Staines, said his employees had been working 49 hours a week with no holidays since the BREXIT explosion. “Everyone wants a piece of the BREXIT action” he told our reporter excitedly. “We are producing BREXIT mugs, tea towels and passport covers faster than a strawberry picker in Herefordshire can say ‘you can’t buy a vacuum cleaner with a motor over 1600 watts!’”

Speaking to the workforce at lunchtime, our reporter found that many of them were very excited about the idea of BREXIT and what this may mean for their future. Howard, 87 from lower Staines had previously been enjoying a happy retirement until BREXIT became a ‘hot topic’ as he put it. “I wanted a piece of the BREXIT action”, he rasped. “Kalinowski leafleted the area offering a free train ride to BREXIT for anyone who came and worked at the factory for less than the minimum wage. Being blind with limited hearing and only 1 workable limb I was hesitant at first, but I realised it was actually the incentive I had been looking for”.

Susan, 56 also from Lower Staines said she was very excited about the upcoming referendum. “I think this is just what this country needs, I love a good vote. I will definitely be voting for BREXIT, I have told my grandchildren that I will take them there in the school holidays”.