Nicholas Forage UKIP ambassador was at the centre of a media storm last night when he suggested that Stoke Poges should be twinned with Penge.
UKIP propose twinning Stoke Poges with Penge
Twinning usually takes place between towns from different countries but this is something Forage thinks Britain should change. Forage, ‘politician’ and resident of Upper Penge, was making his annual address to party stalwarts at the UKIP conference held each year in Little Germany, Bradford. The announcement was no real surprise to the party faithful, who have long been aware of Forage’s deep love for his hometown and almost unhealthy attraction to Stoke Poges.
Whilst most members were in favour of the proposition some were less than convinced. Gordon Bloomer was heard to complain that at a distance of 31 miles there and 31 miles back the leader was getting startling close to ‘twinning us with Bongo Bongo land’.
An English Croissant
At an after speech party Forage discussed his plans further. Holding forth with a croissant in one hand and a glass of chateau du étrangère in the other, the leader asked why we would possibly want to get into bed with ‘Johnny Foreigner’ when we have perfectly good towns of our own. “It’s ridiculous” he said. “I knew someone once who knew someone else whose mother went abroad. She didn’t like it and I think that’s good enough reason to make sure it never happens again. Penge is a perfect match for Stoke Poges, in fact if all goes well I am considering renaming both places to Stoke-Penge.”
Spanish omelette. To be renamed the “omelette”
“I blame the EU for everything”, Forage said, as he tried to drown out Bloomer asking if Stoke-Penge would have plenty of available sluts. “We have the chance to make a real difference ahead of the next general election, where I will be demanding that baguettes are less ‘French shaped ‘and Spanish omelettes to be renamed omelettes”.
A crowd of journalists were waiting to speak to Forage as he left the conference and were very keen to question him on the story that he had changed his name from Miguel to Nicholas in order to join the party. “Don’t be so ridiculous” he answered. “Mi nombre es Nicolás y siempre ha sido”.
