A swearing epidemic has swept through large parts of America following the publication of a 60 year study by the University of Utucky due west of the northern southern part of the country.
An American University
The research, carried out by Professor Barry Williams has had an effect that even he did not predict; he told Elephant Juice this morning. ‘I didn’t expect to find a correlation between swearing and longevity, but now I have I am absolutely over the fucking moon.’ ‘I started this research 60 years ago with 40 participants. 20 were vegetarian health freaks, and 20 were meat eating couch potatoes. I asked the 20 vegetarians to swear 10 times a day every day and the meat eaters to refrain from using foul language entirely. ‘The results are astonishing’, he continues. ‘All of the non exercising meat eaters have died during the course of the study yet the swearing vegetarians have all survived! I tell you, this pisses in the face of all the bastards who said I was wasting my time’. Asked how he felt about America swearing its way to a long life he exclaimed ‘are you shitting with me?! It’s bloody fantastic’.
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